Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
