I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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