When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
