just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
