the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Say something about gay babies.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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