what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You need a sexual gate keeper
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
