She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did I show you my penis last night?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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