Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
no, he came in my armpit
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
