I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
