I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
