ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
