so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
