so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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