New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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