I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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