You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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