All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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