Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
