you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
