A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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