nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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