I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
