FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
