True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
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This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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