So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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