He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
