no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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