Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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