I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
