i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
