New game: find the sober person in Tbell
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
