Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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