walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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