no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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