The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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