he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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