New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
