drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
