If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
