Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
