singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my liver is dry heaving
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
