He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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