The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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