I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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