Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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