I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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