I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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