And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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