her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
