I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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