She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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