So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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