Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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