is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
