It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
