My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
