On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
