i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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