Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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