i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
