His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
