dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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