she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
