I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
