I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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