Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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