Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
