the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
