You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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